Church Matters: Excommunication vs. Disfellowship

I still have hangover with my last blog. Honestly, I thought that the pain have vanished away a hundred percent but looking back, there are still unwanted emotional spots that I want to totally let go. And even if it hurts, I'll continue on with the rest of the story.

The last 5 months after that awful discovery were focused on Church matters. A member of the Church for 22 years (at that time), I always knew that for him to be cleansed from his transgression, he must undergo repentance. Repentance is a process by which we might receive the help we need to cleanse ourselves and to make the necessary corrections. It is a gift from our Heavenly Father.When the irregularity has been major, however, the Church court system plays an important role in helping the transgressor find his way back.

The first process of repentance is recognition of the sin, meaning someone who have committed a sin should accept freely that he have sinned. I still remember him saying, "I didn't do any crime.....I didn't kill anyone". I couldn't believed he said that! How can he not acknowledge the gravity of the sin? Or maybe he was confused. Okay, now, I want to make myself believe he's just confused at that time.

The next process is to feel sorrow for the sin. Again, he reiterated, "I don't feel any remorse". As fresh as maybe 2-3 days, the sin of adultery and its impact haven't sunk in to his nerves. By the way, the affair started 1999. I discovered it 2002.

Confession is next. Now comes the challenge. How can he confess if he can't even recognize the sin? I talked to him about going to the Bishop and make necessary confession but it seems like he didn't have any plan at all. Everyday we have to argue about him going to see the bishop but he will not go. After a week of waiting and observing, he haven't gone to the Bishop yet. So I decided to do the confession for him. I met with my Bishop, Willy Estella and told him I have something to divulge. Crying infront of him, I narrated the whole story and you know what he said? He said I wasn't doing the right thing. He acknowledged my pain but not the part where I have to "confess" for him. He said if Bong really wants to repent, he should come see him and make a "personal appearance". And so, after how many days more, came that night when he has to face reality. My innocent, young daughters and I accompanied him to Marulas (Valenzuela, Metro Manila) chapel, just a few kilometers from home. Their encounter wasn't a brief one. My youngest daughter fell asleep while we waited for the verdict. Nope, there wasn't a verdict yet. He has to undergo Church Court for either excommunication or being disfellowshiped. I will not discuss further the difference between these two but it's sufficient for me to say that both ways, he will be given the chance to repent and be cleansed from sin.

Restitution is the next step. My bishop, being a friend and a confidante, told me "it seems like your husband doesn't have any plans for any restitution. In my interview, he said, 'if Ginalyn will forgive me, then fine. If not, then it's ok'. He said he doesn't have any plans for you". Ouch, that hurts! And true to his words, the next few days and weeks and months were HELL. To enumerate what he did (or 'dids'? because there were many, LOL!) is not part of this chapter, nor the next chapters because I couldn't exactly remember them. All of those things were written in detail in my journals and they're safely kept at home. Those will be my treasured memories of the past and I will pass on to the next generation for them to see how their grandmother or great grandmother struggled but undefeated.

Forgiving others is also another step. I'm not sure if who he will forgive that time. Me? Himself? Arlene?.....ooooops!..........I will leave this matter to him.

Lastly, forsaking the sin. Let me leave this last step as the next topic for my blog,

The stake presidency's decision was handed to him personally by Bishop Willy. It was written in black and white. And I cannot write them here because I couldn't remember the exact words. But I will surely tell you the verdict.

From September to December, I've lost a great deal of 12 kilos. Wow, what a cruel way to lose weight! And losing weight did mean, I can wear all the sexy dresses I wanted. And, unconsciously, I started competing with the unknown. I became self-conscious. I started going to the parlor, straightening (and even colored) my hair, had my manicure and pedicure done and all those girly stuff, worn accessories and make up and became a fashion addict, which I neglected doing or should I say, maintaining, during those times when I was "just a plain housewife". I was only 31 then. And did it ever cross my mind to get even? That's the "exciting" part.....suddenly, when I "evolved" into a better me came temptations. Did I post a shoutout that I am undergoing a major emotional repair? Did I tell everyone that I am about to explode because my man was womanizing? Thanks, God, FB doesn't exists that time!........There were phone calls from former classmates, acquaintances and strangers. How did they get my phone number?  It's the same old number I used since the cellphone was discovered! So everybody knows my number and there was one time when Bong answered my phone and it was Cholo (Ostrea), a classmate wayback our nursing student days on the line. He just dropped by to say hello and wa-la, Bong thought I was flirting and I have an affair! Funny, huh! Now, it's me who has an affair! Did it bother me? A big NO, malinis ang kunsensiya ko! (My conscience is clear!) But, let me set things straight, I wasn't perfect. I have pitfalls, but I did my very best to be the best wife and mom I could ever be. When I asked Bong what I have done wrong to deserve all these, he said, "Sobra kang naging mabait, Gie." Was I? Was I too kind enough that I deserve all these? Oh, well, maybe it's a disadvantage, too. Guys, what can you say?

To wrap it up, he was finally disfellowshipped. I don't know why but as I said earlier, it doesn't matter if he have undergone excommunication or just being disfellowshipped. What is more important is to see him on the path to repentance and proper cleansing. The first Sunday he didn't partake of the sacrament, I was quietly crying. I couldn't hold on my tears to see him that way. And up to this time that I am writing this, there's this little pinch in my heart as I recall those gloomy days........

Just a little correction, I have nothing against those who are either by choice or left with no choice, becoming a plain housewife. Given the chance, I love to stay at home and do what all wondermoms and wonderwives do to make their homes a bit of heaven on earth. After all, she who rocks the cradle rule the world.